Bloodrayne Movie Review

Bloodrayne isn’t even straight-to-DVD level of quality. Straight-to-garbage-bin would be more accurate.

I vaguely remember action adventure game Bloodrayne. I know that the game took place in The United States, Germany and Argentina and that you played as a female vampire that fought Nazis, zombies or vampires (maybe all of the above.) There was nothing peculiar or unique about the story, but the game, was more than serviceable, since it encouraged you to suck the blood of your enemies and hack and slash your way through several exotic-looking locales. When the same premise is applied to a film though and when infamous director Uwe Boll is involved in that project, it’s difficult to go to this movie with high expectations. And let me tell you, this film sets a new standard when it comes to shoddy movie adaptations of games.

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Rayne: “I would sooner rot in your dungeon than sit at your table!”

Bloodrayne follows the story of Rayne, a vampire forced to work at a carnival for people’s amusement. As soon as she escapes imprisonment, Rayne proves that she isn’t like the other vampires, so instead of hunting helpless people and drinking their blood (or turning them into one of her own) she kills other vampires and uses them as her dinner. In a way, she’s the Robin Hood of vampires, but without the charisma and charm from the popular character. There are also instances where Rayne flirts with other vampire (mostly women) to kill them. Instead of feeling erotic, this moments feel like fan service so that hormonal teenagers feel right at home.

Rayne’s on a journey to collect three talismans (the amulets include an eye, a rib and a heart) and getting hold of these items would prevent an evil vampire leader from becoming the most powerful being in the world. It turns out Rayne and a group of hunters are after lord vampire Kagan for different reasons, so they all join forces to find him and kill him before he collects the talismas. But before they can face Kagan, the group must fight his minions. The fights are poorly choreographed and reminded me of old Star Trek episodes where actors moved really slowly. Also, the special effects are nothing to write home about and they are laughable in a bad way. As you can see, the story’s really confusing.

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Vladimir: “My companion seems to be missing. I do not know what has become of him!”

What caught my attention about the film is that there are some recognizable actors from classic films and TV series. Some of those actors include Michelle Rodriguez (The Fast and the Furious,) Michael Madsen (Reservoir Dogs,) Billy Zane (Twin Peaks) and Sir Ben Kingsley (Ghandi,) among others. It’s a shame to see such an amazing talent going to waste, since actors have to say some of the most ridiculous lines you’ve ever heard. Even as a Z-movie Bloodrayne feels poorly made.

This is an Uwe Boll film, so there has to be a visual trick that feels distracting and unconventional in the worst way possible. In this case, we see random moments where the camera focuses on one character and everything around that character’s blurry. We also see regular people transform into vampires in the blink of an eye, which looks better that expected, but doesn’t make that much sense in context.

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Katarin: “Your form is weak, lacking passion.”

Bloodrayne is an embarrassment of a film and it’s heartbreaking to see some brilliant actors being part of such a poor production. Whenever people think of video game films they’ll definitely think of Bloodrayne and that’s a shame for both video games and films. Anyone with common sense should avoid this movie.